Colour Revolt: Life on the road with Brooks Tipton

 
A strange and terrible saga

I get asked the question “how was tour” on a regular basis
when I run into acquaintances back in Little Rock. The answer
is usually a 1 to 2 sentence answer for a 3 week long adventure
across the country. I’ll oblidge with a fairly generic answer like “man,
It was Really cool” or “it was great, the shows went well” or “so far, so good”.
You have to give that answer because the real answer is nearly
Impossible to put into words, at least without that person
completely regretting their polite inquiry.
For anyone who wants a real insite to what it is (at least from my perspective)
here’s a little peek…

September 2011 tour with Colour Music – West Coast

A few of the guys came through Little Rock to pick me up on the way to Tulsa, OK
to rehearse for two days at the bar that Paddy (Patrick Ryan) works at. We all live in separate states from eachother (except Luke and Jesse but they’re still 3 hours apart). When the guys arrived at my apartment we were all genuinely happy to
see eachother. I imagine it’s a similar feeling as getting ready to head out
To a summer camp (which I’ve never attended) with all of your best friends, but as adults so you can drink
beer and not get in trouble. We talked about all the t.v. shows we’ve been
watching (the Wire for me) and talked about how we all thought it was strange
that the West Memphis 3 had actually been released, then we loaded up into the van and continued on the 4 hours to Tulsa.

The van is like home in a lot of ways. We spend more hours in that little white
box than most people spend in their homes on any given day. So, getting in is like being back home after a month break from touring. A home that vibrates and has
music playing constantly and that you may crash into something at a fast speed
any minute! We’re good drivers (for the most part) so that’s somewhat comforting.
When we’re in the van, there is 4 other guys’ bodies within arms reach of one another so there’s no room for private phone calls really. I’ve dated girls
who couldn’t understand how I wasn’t able to call more often with allllll that
“downtime”. It just doesn’t really work out that way. We’re on a pretty tight
schedule most days. We figure out how many hours it is to the next city/venue
and we leave in just enough time to make it there for the scheduled load in/soundcheck. We do this because we don’t want to be too early or it would
Feel like showing up to work and waiting for the boss to show up and
unlock the doors. Fuck that!
We load in all of the amps and drums and guitars and then set them up on stage
to do a soundcheck. After that, we usually carry most of the equipment back off
of the stage so the other bands will have room to play.

Quick Recap: so, now we’ve been in the van for an average of 6 hours and carried
a trailer full of heavy equipment into the building and then back to another part of the building. It feels like a full days worth of work, but just now is when our “workday” begins. Between 6p.m. and whenever we play (usually around 11p.m.) we have to find a way to occupy ourselves in this club, or bar, or strange concrete garage type room. It’s kind of like being in a waiting room that serves beer and sometimes has
a pinball machine. We usually relax a little in the first hour of this time block.
And Then….right when you’re starting to settle in and enjoy your first beer,
The First Band cranks up and pulverizes the room with loud sound.
Rock and Roll!! Right?? Well, I truly hate to say it but a great deal of the bands
that are “opening bands” aren’t necessarily inspiring (to say the least). I get it,
we all have got to start somewhere and all that jazz, but some of these people
need their instruments taken from them and a good long spanking for what
they’re doing to people’s ears!

After sitting through 2 or 3 bands of this (whether they’re good or not, it
can still be taxing on your soul to sit through it every single night)

Sidenote: Look people, I realize there are some complainy undertones starting
to surface here, but dammit I’m just trying to tell it like it is. All of us appreciate
everything we’ve gotten or achieved with music, and understand how special it is that we get to do it, but there is a handsome amount of shit that comes with it.
We’re on tour with the Oklahoma based band Colour Music right now. These guys are truly great artists! Go see them and dance your buns off to their albums.

Side Sidenote: We invite our friends to shows. (sometimes with a bit of hesitation)
The hesitation is because we want them to have a good experience and enjoy
themselves when they enter into our “workspace”. We feel a decent amount of responsibility to take care of them and be good hosts. That can be a delicate
balance sometimes (given the chaotic atmosphere)

So, we set back up and get started. As Soon as we hit our first note, it all
makes sense. A surge of energy shoots through me. I feel like I’m truly inside of
something beautiful. For me, when I hear these guys playing their instruments with amazing heart and precision and sing together like what feels like angels, it inspires me like nothing else. Something grips and all of the rest of the day becomes a martyr for that one hour. We usually finish around midnight or so. We hang with
people who wanna talk about the show etc.. And have some beers or whatever until time to load out and drive to the hotel or someones house. If we stay with someone, the chances are that we’ll be up another hour or two. Then we hit the sack and wake up and start the whole thing again.
Rock & Roll!!

Someday, if we ever get to the Bus level, we may be doing coke off of hookers butts and all that stuff, for now, we’re gonna do the best we can to get to that stage for that one hour every night and hopefully meet some great folks along the way.
So far, So good.

 

Check out Colour Revolt  tour dates, music, and beautiful merch at: http://colourrevolt.net/

Brooks Tipton and his sexy ass keyslaying!

 

Modest Mouse Vs. Mother Earth

A few years back we were going to hang with the modest mouse boys in Iowa. They were playing an outdoor amphitheater. There is something about those boys that tends to bring the lurking schizophrenic out of anybody in the close vicinity. Next thing I know we are holding bottles of wine catching up and all that jazz. As the afternoon passes this dark cloud starts looming above us…as almost it is going to shit on the shows parade. The opening band finishes their set and the MM crew starts warning all the guys every 5 minutes that it looks like its going to start pouring. Nobody seems to mind except Jonny Marr who now has a very displaced look on his. The thunder began to roll in like the fourth of July. Tarps began to be strung over everything. Next thing we know the green room door opens and we see it is raining like the great floods of biblical times. The fans begin to start running for what cover surrounds, which was slim pickins to say the least. Most ran to their cars. As time past the rain kept falling harder and harder. You know the rain that hits you like little marbles…yeah that bad. The walkie talkies were buzzing the the crew scattering. Isaac Brock started now pacing the room as Jonny Marr kept saying, “ I’m not going on stage… I have bloody kids mate, I can’t get struck by lightning.” It was cute and mind blowing at the same time. We all start making our way to the stage to watch the mighty storm erupt. All of a sudden we all start hearing a chant from the hundred or so die-hard fans that stayed at the front of the stage enduring the torrential storm. As we approached we could hear their call. “Rain or Shine!….Rain or Shine!” sure as shit on the tickets it did say rain or shine. It was at that moment I saw something that will forever remind me why I do what I do. Isaac called for his guitar tech to bring him his Gibson Mocking Bird Acoustic guitar. He was mumbling something along the lines of…”I can’t let the kids down…they are why were here” Next thing I know Issac starts running toward the front of the stage guitar in hard. The kids look on in disbelief. He leaped off the stage in this small group of fans and began playing 3^rd Planet. The look in these kid’s eyes as they all begin to sing along was nothing short of a make a wish foundation moment. Out of nowhere Jeremiah Green (one of Modest Mouses’ resident drummers) comes running up with a set of hand drums. They were singing their hearts out….I had goose bumps watching this happen in front of me. Here is a Grammy winning band at some relatively small amphitheater playing a one off show on their tour in some small shit town in Iowa. Any other band of that caliber would have packed ship and headed west hours earlier, but there they were soaking wet, ruining thousands of dollars in instruments so these hundred or so kids got to see them even if it was just Issac and Jeremiah. Nothing stops them from letting these kids down. It truly changed everything I thought and reminded me what inspired me to play music in the first place.  It’s easy to get jaded in this industry, especially if you are at the level of Modest Mouse…but they are by far some of the most humble guys you will meet. They are also some of the most bat shit crazy motherfuckers on this world! Anyway what happened next is nothing short of some divine intervention or satan himself wanting to see his pawns play their set. Issac began playing Breakthrough and right as he said, and I shit you not, “let it break through” the rain just stopped. We all looked at each other as our minds just got blown. Before we knew it the stage crew was unveiling all the gear and wiping everything down. Jonny was still very hesitant to go on stage, but if you saw the look in Issac’s eyes you would know why Jonny just gave in without a fight. The sky opened up to the most surreal color palette my eyes have seen. Some fans walked back from their cars. It was still a small crowd of a few hundred, yet the Mouse boys played for three hours as the magical skyline descended into night. After that show we were all glowing and celebrated with copious amounts of libations. At one point I was mixing red bull with wine and vodka for all of us. Shit got over the top. We ended up on the back of their bus telling war stories, yet never once mentioned the show. It was as if that moment was merely a dream that only existed to those who experienced it. Around 2am the bus driver returned for deployment….but we weren’t’ going anywhere. Issac made damn sure we had our time together before this ship sailed. At one point he started playing demos for what would later be Good News for People who Love Bad News. Jonny came to the back lounge hearing the demos blasting. He asked Issac what the fuck he was doing! Issac slurred some cryptic banter insult then closed the door in his face and locked us in the back lounge until the bus just started moving and we jumped off and made the what could be a whole new story on the adventure of finding our car and hotel.

Road Life with Lukas Previn: Thursday + United Nations + Acid Tiger

1. So how long have you been touring?

Actually 9 months prior to birth. My Mom was touring the entire time she was pregnant with me so im guessing the fact that my fetus-self was being exposed to all kinds of different foods in the womb and constant disruption ,that the idea of constant travel is comforting. Then once I was born I toured for the first 11 years of my life with my father pretty much year round. I took a 4 year break to totally fuck up school and then started touring with hardcore/punk bands at 15.

2. What was your first tour like compared to tours you do nowadays?

My first tour was in a 15 passenger van with no trailer with two bands and gear all inside that one fucker. We literally toured with amps/drums/heads and each other on our laps. I think the idea of luxurious digs at that point was when we played some arcade in louisville ky and they had 5 bottled waters and some pb+js for us and then some girl without all her teeth let us sleep in her backyard. at that point we thought that was just the tits!

3. What are some things you do on tour that most people would never guess you do?

Wow, that might be a large list. With such classic hits as “ambien sleepwalk eating/ dancing” or

“changing into pants made out of flax and getting blazed in the bay of the bus”

but i guess what would surprise people the most is how much we all love watching UFC.

People perceive Thursday to be a pretty sensitive quiet band, and then we get on the road and people cannot believe that we party at all, or would want to watch fighting, or go to a casino. Were humans too who like a little sin in our sincerity.

4. What are your essential tour totes you have to have with you on the road?

Rolling papers, Nintendo DS, Xbox 360 , laptop,tech deck,Trippy bunk light, phone, and a big bag of vitamins.

5. Any bands you really want to go on tour with?
Well there are the fantasy reaching high acts like radiohead or bob dylan.

id tour with colour revolt every single tour for the rest of time just to watch paddy play soccer and brooks comment on it.

Id love to tour with ICP for the spectacle of it all and all the free soda. At the drive in would be a huge one.
But the number one would take a reunion i dont forsee…refused.

6. What’s the worst thing that has happened to you on the road?

Honestly? Fuck…Well I had just finished a tour and had a 3 day bus journey home and for those of you who dont know, the bus ride home is the worlds most fun/boring experience ever. If you can do it stone cold sober then hats off to you, but sometimes you gotta lube the social tube after 60 days trapped in that exact same room with the exact same people but with 60 days of DIRT accumulated. So the night before the 3 day ride home I procure a very large amount of the devils lettuce to allow the more disinteresting moments of the journey feel a little less taxing on the soul and also because its awesome. I go to sleep in my bunk happy as a clam and a little drunk from the final night of tour celebrations.

I get awoken the next morning by my curtain being violently ripped open to my good friend and guitar tech (who has a habit of fucking with everyone) screaming that the cops are pulling us over, i should be prepared to eat. I had my doubts and in the haze of being woken up am not sure what happened next except the next thing i realize i am in the back lounge with said friend/tech just sort of staring at drugs and waiting…

Total silence filled the room like it was a 300 pound woman in a mini cooper. Finally the silence broke… “something is very wrong” He said.

Seemingly a moment later their was a knock on the pneumatic door that was easily identifiable as an authority figure, followed by “open up, police”. I had no time to do anything but put my bag which contained the large amount of illegal nature back into one of the many cubby holes this particular bus had. Just as the cubby closed the cops walked into a back lounge full of an entire tours worth of stage clothes,underwear and two dudes looking like they just banged it out. The room literally smelled like balls and they ushered us into the front lounge and sat us down.

They returned to the back and started searching bags but i suspect the smell of that room made them prefer the idea of just getting a sniffer dog so they walked off the bus…

In stereo I heard two people start whisper yelling “GO EAT”

So i ran back, opened the “bag” and a bag of chocolate and started just CRUSHING this shit down my face. Stems scratching my uvula and back of throat, tears streaming down my eyes,nose running, hands shaking. The fucking rocky theme was literally in my head. staring straight at myself in the endless mirror of the back lounge i crammed the last of it

in my strained and pained mouth and although tiny, that last piece felt like swallowing a honeydew. I sucked the “bag” dry and shoved it in the trash and looked at our tech and said “am I all good? My tie on straight?” to which he nearly shit himself laughing. “what the fuck, WHAT THE FUCK?” i asked. “you have weed and chocolate COVERING your teeth”. So I gargled with cola and swallowed and sat back down. This all happened in maybe 4 minutes. The cops never came back on and then our bus broke down.

So yeah. Thats the worst thing.
Oh and the time someone gave me weed laced with crack. Fuck that guy. 😉

7. What was is your fondest memories on the road?
I mean thats a whole book of answers…
Without a doubt, number one with a bullet is the friendships ive made.
Aside from that
Some choice moments include…
Playing Live 8 as the sun came from behind the clouds for the first time
on a dreary british day in front of an uncountable amount of festival attendees.

Getting to play Brixton Academy. That was a life long dream.

Being In oslo with poison the well and all hanging out in the empty parking lot of the venue and looking up and seeing the largest most bizarre ring of light in the sky. It seemed alien. Everything about that moment. The sky that night will be a death bed image for me.

Playing Chain Reaction with La Dispute. I had the pleasure of playing for those lads when their shows were just getting soooo intense. During our set at Chain it was like there was a stage dive machine behind us just pumping kid after kid after kid into the crowd. knocking guitars out of tune, knocking over drums. It was so fucking awesome that at the end both me and Adam Vass did crucial stage dives and them im pretty sure i ate in-n-out which makes any day better.

8. What’s the craziest thing that has happened to you on tour?

There is no way I can talk about that.

9. Who Partied?

See above.

10. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Stuffed in a bunk or stuffed in a trunk.

11. Any final thoughts for those who have never been on tour before and advice you would give for any kid dreaming of being in a touring band?

Yes, dont assume that you are owed shit, enjoy every moment, talk to fans in a way that acknowledges that their false perception of you being special is unfounded, because ultimately you are probably the dirt bag and they arent fucking up their life being in a band. bring lots of baby whipes and gold bond. dont fuck anyones girlfriend, remember that you are lucky as shit to be able to travel and play music, go wild but be able to stay mild, and most of all learn that tasteful playing isnt a million notes a minute and nobody wants to see you show off your new sweep techniques.

Follow Lukas on Twitter at: @LukasPnyc

and make sure to check out his bath bomb company: OhMyWash!

Road Life with Beth “Spliff” Dulaney Merch Girl Extraordinaire

1. So how did you get into doing Merch?

I started doing merch for local bands in South Florida where I’m from about 2 years ago.  My first traveling merch experience was working for my friend’s clothing company (Royal Family Clothing/1981 Clothing) at Bamboozle 2010. After a recent trip to LA to visit my buddies in Thursday they decided to keep me on the rest of the tour to sell their merch!

2. What bands are you working with currently?

I’ll be going on a “mini-tour” with The Colour Revolt at the end of October just to hang out with them (as they are some of the greatest dudes on the planet) and help out with merch for a few days. Other then that, I’m focusing most of my time on my up and coming bath bomb company, Oh My Wash! Check it out! www.ohmywash.com

3. I’m sure you get asked some crazy shit behind the merch table. Anything that just made you think WTF?

The thing that makes me say “WTF” the most is the entitlement a lot of people seem to have. For example, that if they bribe me with $10.00 I’ll escort them backstage or something.  I truly wish I could get everyone every autograph and handshake/hug whatever they want, but it just isn’t possible! Buy shirts and CDs instead! There is a lot of getting hit on behind the merch table as well, which is fun to turn down. On this past tour with Thursday and Taking Back Sunday a kid that must have been 16 seemed to think just because he told me he played bass I would give him my number. Sorry dude! I don’t even have a phone!

4. What are some of the essentials you have to have on tour?

I personally MUST have crossword puzzles (all the time, not just on tour.) Also, baby wipes, dry shampoo, lots of weed, etc.

5. What’s the craziest shit you have seen/done on the road

The craziest and most fun shit I’ve done on tour was in Anaheim, CA. I was ripped from my dinner table just as my food was being served to get into Disneyland VIP status.  Of course there is always drunken crazy nights, but I can’t tell those stories. Not because I’ve been sworn to secrecy or anything…I just can’t remember.

6. How did you get the nickname “Spliff” I see you have “So Spliff inked on your arm….do tell?

The name Spliff was a combination of the word kind of sounding like my name and the fact that I have a love for marijuana…spliffs in particular.  All the Thursday boys were getting their tour tattoos (SO/SICK!) and I decided I had to get “So Spliff” in honor of my first tour tattooed on my right forearm where I would see it all the time and remember how SICK the tour was.

7. Lastly any words of the wise to girls who want to get in the merch/touring world.

Just be normal. Guys don’t want to tour with girls that they can’t look at as “one of the dudes.” Don’t talk about gross girl things, and know your place. A lot of girls think its best to get in the middle of everything but I am telling you…STAY OUT OF THE WAY.  Lastly, don’t complain, and have a good sense of humor, and you’ll be good to go.

You can follow Spliff on Twitter @merchgirlspliff

And make sure to check out Her & Lukas Previn’s (thursday/UN/Acid Tiger) rad bath bomb collection at: www.ohmywash.com

MastoBant

I was listening to the new Mastodon record, The Hunter, this morning and was reminded of the night I got MastoBant… A couple years back the Masto dudes were playing at Liberty Hall. Every time the boys are back in town we wreak havoc so this night would be no different.  WELL…. maybe a bit different considering that shit got hella ridiculous. The Don played their set and crushed sweaty dudes pony tails right off. After the show we were all bullshitting in the basement. Brent really wanted to hit the concrete and go to our favorite bar in town, The Replay Lounge, one of the few real pinball dives left in this world. On any given night you can see a band that in two years will be your favorite band that you probably missed when they rolled though. Anyway so we start shootin’ whiskey like it cures diabetes and the blur begins. If you have never seen or partied with Brent then you have no idea the beast that lives in this kid. He is a fucking machine through and through. Next thing I know we are all up in that paint and riding the pony around town. He starts chatting up every girl in sight…which is one of the more entertaining things I have seen. Nothing like a burly ass dude with facial tatts trying to slur some little indie girls pannies off, saying shit like “I normally only date models” (his best line).  Shits pure gold. Time flies by like a bad trip. Were stumbling around town. Which also happens to be a pretty big college town so all these frat brohans are roaming the streets as well. At times I wondered if Brents ass gets jealous of the shit that comes out of his mouth. He was talking shit like we were rolling 20 deep or something. Luckily I am a pretty smooth talker and was able to say.. “Look at this guy…He will seriously bite your fucking cheek off if this shit goes down”.  There was a good hour or two where I blacked out. I vaguely remember being in my car trying to charge his shitty iphone then at some house doing god knows what. We end up back on the main drag roaming the streets for an open bar like two men in the desert searching for the last drips of water on earth. Usually a few bars in town will let me come drink in the basement while they close and clean all the puke/shit off the bathroom floors, but thank god this night they could tell we were in no condition to put anything else in our blood stream. Literally, shells of men roaming the concrete jungle. I kept asking Brent what time bus call was, but that was the last thing swimming in his last two firing neurons. So I tell him I bet there is tons of booze on the bus so lets go grab it. It was a pretty smooth subconscious move to get him back to his bus, since I knew that was the safest place for us to be at that point and bus call had to be soon if not past. We start making the hike. Walking those 2 blocks felt like we were a couple of cripple kids in an army training course….shit was intense! Finally we came stumbling up. I knew shit was no bueno when the bus driver was standing out front of the bus power smoking with the look of death on his face. Apparently bus call was at 2am. Well it was around 4:30…. It felt like we were young kids getting busted for throwing eggs at the neighbors car or something. Heads were hung low and the masto chew began. Luckily those dudes know when the beast comes out of Brent you can’t convince him to do anything so I don’t think they were serious when they said I was MastoBant….maybe they were?  Either way the moral of the story is…..Charge your fucking iphone Brent!

The Big Texan 72oz Steak Challenge

It was one of the first nights on tour that all us dudes and the UnderOath dudes all hung as a group. It was a Sunday night so we wanted to do like all families or Jersey Shore kids do and have an adult family dinner. When your in the middle of bum fuck Texas and don’t eat Steers much-less any other mammals, your kind of like the gay kid at a Fred Phelps rally. Any way we were all sitting at the hotel bar..aka the TGIF bar in the hotel. Classy shit I know. All of a sudden these huge golden girls era limos roll up with massive horns on the front grill with cowboy drivers. We all got semis instantly. Well at-least I did. I had no idea what they hell they were or where the fuck we were going. Just knew shit was about to get serious. We pulled up to the Big Texan. If you have never heard of it just google that shit or watch Man Vs. Food reruns.  So we walk in like a bunch of hood rats at a penny arcade. Literally the place looks like an old ass penny arcade.  They have all those old school shoot em’ up games with the robots and tin cans…yeah so sick. We get our table. All the waiters are all dressed to the T with cowboy suites and down south boogin accents. The whole place was littered with dead shit all over the walls. Not knowingly to us this place was having one of their famous 72oz steak challenges. You would think that just a 5 pound steak was enough challenge for any gut pounding red neck visitor, but no you have to eat a salad, two dinner rolls, some shrimp, and a baked potato. Thank god I don’t eat dead shit so I couldn’t be volunteered into this shit show, which I most likely would have if I did eat flesh. Like any good bud would do, our sound guy John “butthole” Harris aka the oxycopter express stepped up to the plate like a fat chick at a karaoke bar. The UnderOath camp sent their super tech Kyle up to the big table challenge as well. I wish I had taken video looking back, but I was laughing so hard (whiskey) that it would have been a shit shot any way. I think you can watch it on their site if you really are that bored. So the judge said all that sappy rules and best wishes shit and the clock started counting down. At first it looked like an impossible feat of human consumption. Literally there was more food by pound than a new born baby. But Harris was making huge dents in his plates. I think his past life as a fat kid really helped him out. He figured out that if you cut all the steak up in little pieces it’s easier and quicker to slide down the old poop shoot. With 14 minutes to go Harris stood up like, a well like a glutton at a food challenge. We all started freaking out. He did it!! He really ate all that fucking food! At that golden moment Harris looked over to the cooks nodded his head and told them “that was a mighty tasty steak boys” One of the few true gentlemen moments I have ever seen come out of of his scruffy pie hole. He then proceeded to order a slice of carrot cake and a shot of Jagger. That night we were all kings. Stuffed like a Texan, whiskey drankin’ and shit shootin…. It’s true what they say. Everything is Bigger in Texas especially the dumps those boys took after that steak challenge shit.

The Get Up Kids vs. Fall Out boy

I was working for my buds in The Get Up Kids at the time. We were playing the shit show known as Bamboozle. I had been telling Rob P. (spoon & TGUK bass slinger) that he really should let me change his strings since they were about as worn as an old jiggalos balls, but he wasn’t having it. I can dig it. It was a sexy as shit vintage 56′ P Bass…. but come on no strings last forever right? He was pretty damn adamant to “not touch my strings!” so I obliged. You would think such an amazing and talented cat would have a back up bass on tour muchless playing in front of 20,000 pre-pubescent teens but nada. Any way the GUKs hit the stage. Little kids shit their pannies…. About 2 songs in SNAP. Rob busted his A string right in the beginning of them playing that CURE cover that tuns men to boys. He immediately gave me that look of “oh fuck I busted a string now what” Luckily I am always on top of my game and all the good shit so I blast over to the side stage where the Fall Out Dudes were getting all set up. Luckily I know the crew and the tech let me grab one of their basses. I guess Pete needs like 36 basses since it looked like Hot Topic opened a Guitar Center in his Bass world. I had to make a split second decision and saw a jet black and emo red P Bass with Pete Wentz’s face all butt fuck plastered over it. That was the one! The one that saves the day and my twisted sense of humor. Any way it had been like 45 seconds since the string broke and I had the new bass tuned and delivered to Rob’s chest. You would think he would be so stoked that I had him a new bass quicker than a Ethiopian kid in a super market sweep challenge. But as soon as the song ended Matt Pryor looked over to see how that happened and noticed  the Pete Wentz emo P Bass. Luckily he had a live mic and 20,000 kids scream “It’s Pete’s Bass!!!” It’s very rare you see such a suave man’s ego get shrunken sooo fast, but these kids managed to do it! But like stud I am I had his 56′ all restrung and ready to go so it only lasted that half song he had to play with it. I guess the moral of the story is….if your tech says  it might be time to change your strings…Don’t Do It!

Taking Back Your Sunday Haircuts

It was one of the last nights of tour. We had spent the day in what felt like a mix between a shitty Jersey Shore and an even shittier Myrtle Beach….if you believe what that hole would be like. Let’s just say the mall next door to the club had a glorified full blown JUGGALO store. Just in case you run out of Feygo or need a switchblade on the beach!  Any way the show was a salty sweat fest. If you have ever played the Hampton Beach Casino Ballroom you know what I am talking about. Shits drippy! What used to be a legendary club that bands like The Swazy Willis Band or Fine Young Cannibals would crush at in the hay day now feels like a glorified buffet style dance hall. Needless to say we all started drinking whiskey like wine and emotions were thrusting high. Next thing I know Adam Lazzara from TBS and Tucker “Turbo” Rule from Thursday were hovering around each-other like they wanted to make out or something. Shit started to get real deep when Adam pulled a pair of hair trimmers out of his bag demanding a haircut. I always think wasted ass hair cuts are the best idea ever but a few peeps didn’t quite feel the potential that could arise. So Adam passed the clips to Turbo and shit went rolling. Unfortunately the clippers died within a couple minutes. Adam has a thick fuckin maine so you can imagine the clippers got pretty stressed out over it. The one thing you probably don’t know about Adam is once you start something you better not stop it or you will be heckled like a obese kid in a all you can eat pizza bar. So Ray TBS’s sound/super tech pulled out the scissors and started trimming that shit. It actually started to look damn good. Ray must be a closet case Paul Mitchell student or something. The guy can literally do everything in spades and knows more about random shit that a Jeopardy addict. Finally Gabe “Ol’ Iron Eyes” came to the rescue with a pair of plug in clippers and the shit show went back to trimming. I don’t know how Ray and Turbo were able to not slice Adams fucking ear off. He was doing the Mortal Combat Fatality sway the hole time. You know what I am talking about….head in tandem swing in a circle like there is an invisible hula hoop on him. Needless to say no ears were chunked or neckline destroyed just a nice sports clip style cut…… All I can say is whiskey and haircuts = SO/SICK!

A Skylit Drive & the mouth breather

Not too many dudes can party like A Skylit Drive. On our winter tour with those boys I saw them drink more diet Bacardi and lay more of your best friends little sister than a community college football team. Every night was a dubstep party, stripper dancing, weed gnaring, pass the fuck out fest. They have this RV that feels like the mobile sweaty strip club that mascara dreams are made of. Any way we all come to love those boys and would party our asses off with them. In the back was the “red light district” we would cram as many peeps in there as possible and worship. Shit got deep many nights. It was rare to see any of the dudes pass out of over partying, but one night Brian took the plunge. He was dreaming pretty hard about tribal gang bangs, so blunt smoke was blown in his ear like a drowned kid getting CPR. I always carry a sharpie on me, but passed the torch to the room and Brians body became of canvas of shitty dudes. Miss those TrivyD boys.

Thursday for mayor!

Last night of tour pranks!